In collaboration with The Book Network.
Breaking Free - Recognising & Surviving Controlling Behaviours, by Eva Jean
4.5/5*
Abuse.
The topic is hardly conversational, given the obtuse taboo nature associated with it, but it ought to be discussed more freely. Various forms of abuse exist within human nature and they affect us so deeply, often traumatising us and even leading to one's demise. It is not only women who suffer, but people of any gender or age. Despite the devastating impact it has on us, society has not always been so understanding to its victims. A lack of openness and conversation on the matter has allowed abusers to continue their destructive ways and prevent survivors from speaking up. In the most heartbreaking cases, victims have ended up dead at the hands of their abuser.
Eva Jean, writer of Breaking Free: Recognising & Surviving Controlling Behaviours details the various forms of abuse that exist in our lives. In this book, Jean takes apart abusive and coercive means and lays them out for all to see. The multifaceted nature of abuse is astounding to see, once laid out so plainly, and it presses the reader to think back to their own experiences - experiences of past relationships, hearsay in the community, articles they have read of the latest celebrity breakup. The various signs we have seen throughout our lives, often hinting to something being off about a relationship, something wrong. Breaking Free pushes through this apprehension in confronting the issue and opens our eyes to reality - that everything is not black and white. That victims of abuse will not necessarily be physically harmed, but also emotionally and financially. Jean emphasises the destructiveness of all forms of abuse which affect men, women, children, families and friendships.
Jean's thorough and strategic breakdown of physical, social, financial, sexual and emotional abuse allows us to gain an understanding of how controlling abusers can be, and the never-ending techniques they use to abuse and control people in their lives. It is startling to read these extensive lists and recognise such experiences in your own life. Whilst the topic is emotionally overwhelming, Jean's approachable nature is viable through her words. A message of unity and love against abusers is palpable throughout the text.
I truly appreciate the lengths to which Jean has used her own experiences and research to compile such a book. She has provided real life examples of abusive control and has broken down the abuser's psyche to demonstrate why they have a pathological need to hurt people. In Breaking Free, Jean has also tackled the myths surrounding abuse and the importance of dismantling these damaging assumptions that are so common.
Whilst the topic is difficult to encounter for some, I deeply stress the need for open conversations on what abuse looks like and what is does to us. Jean's provision of practical advice and strategies helps start such a conversation, to which I am thankful. I have seldom spoken about my personal experiences of abuse, even with my most trusted friends, and I think some of my apprehension exists because there is no clear starting point for such a conversation. Jean's book, however, provides the opportunity to analyse abusive behaviours and accept the fact that they are not normal. Oftentimes, victims of abuse can excuse abusive behaviours as a means of self-preservation, and they can struggle to see an opening to their escape. I believe this book allows such people to truly analyse the life they are living and begin to question the abuse they are experiencing, and ultimately take the leap and tell someone about it.
The first step is always the hardest, but it is also the most important step to take. I deeply empathise with the fear of speaking up, but our own voices are what will ultimately save us. Breaking Free is about that - taking back control and deciding to seek help for our own sake.
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, in whatever form, I urge you to seek help. You do not have to live a life of abuse. If you are based in the UK, a list of services are provided here for support.
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Zack
*Kindly gifted in exchange for an honest review.
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