Book Review - Breaking Free: Recognising & Surviving Controlling Behaviours

 

In collaboration with The Book Network.

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Breaking Free - Recognising & Surviving Controlling Behaviours, by Eva Jean

4.5/5*

Abuse.

The topic is hardly conversational, given the obtuse taboo nature associated with it, but it ought to be discussed more freely. Various forms of abuse exist within human nature and they affect us so deeply, often traumatising us and even leading to one's demise. It is not only women who suffer, but people of any gender or age. Despite the devastating impact it has on us, society has not always been so understanding to its victims. A lack of openness and conversation on the matter has allowed abusers to continue their destructive ways and prevent survivors from speaking up. In the most heartbreaking cases, victims have ended up dead at the hands of their abuser.

Eva Jean, writer of Breaking Free: Recognising & Surviving Controlling Behaviours details the various forms of abuse that exist in our lives. In this book, Jean takes apart abusive and coercive means and lays them out for all to see. The multifaceted nature of abuse is astounding to see, once laid out so plainly, and it presses the reader to think back to their own experiences - experiences of past relationships, hearsay in the community, articles they have read of the latest celebrity breakup. The various signs we have seen throughout our lives, often hinting to something being off about a relationship, something wrong. Breaking Free pushes through this apprehension in confronting the issue and opens our eyes to reality - that everything is not black and white. That victims of abuse will not necessarily be physically harmed, but also emotionally and financially. Jean emphasises the destructiveness of all forms of abuse which affect men, women, children, families and friendships.

Jean's thorough and strategic breakdown of physical, social, financial, sexual and emotional abuse allows us to gain an understanding of how controlling abusers can be, and the never-ending techniques they use to abuse and control people in their lives. It is startling to read these extensive lists and recognise such experiences in your own life. Whilst the topic is emotionally overwhelming, Jean's approachable nature is viable through her words. A message of unity and love against abusers is palpable throughout the text.

I truly appreciate the lengths to which Jean has used her own experiences and research to compile such a book. She has provided real life examples of abusive control and has broken down the abuser's psyche to demonstrate why they have a pathological need to hurt people. In Breaking Free, Jean has also tackled the myths surrounding abuse and the importance of dismantling these damaging assumptions that are so common. 

Whilst the topic is difficult to encounter for some, I deeply stress the need for open conversations on what abuse looks like and what is does to us. Jean's provision of practical advice and strategies helps start such a conversation, to which I am thankful. I have seldom spoken about my personal experiences of abuse, even with my most trusted friends, and I think some of my apprehension exists because there is no clear starting point for such a conversation. Jean's book, however, provides the opportunity to analyse abusive behaviours and accept the fact that they are not normal. Oftentimes, victims of abuse can excuse abusive behaviours as a means of self-preservation, and they can struggle to see an opening to their escape. I believe this book allows such people to truly analyse the life they are living and begin to question the abuse they are experiencing, and ultimately take the leap and tell someone about it.

The first step is always the hardest, but it is also the most important step to take. I deeply empathise with the fear of speaking up, but our own voices are what will ultimately save us. Breaking Free is about that - taking back control and deciding to seek help for our own sake.

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, in whatever form, I urge you to seek help. You do not have to live a life of abuse. If you are based in the UK, a list of services are provided here for support.

Retailers listed here:

Amazon

Zack

*Kindly gifted in exchange for an honest review. 

Remembering a Bloody Empire

 

Remembrance Day glorifies a bloody empire. For that reason, I will never wear a poppy. It is that simple. It is not to remember the soldiers that died fighting fascism, like some may claim. The British government has to completely denounce the actions carried out by the empire and apologise to those that suffered. Only then can we move forward.

Unfortunately, many across this island do not see the empire as a bloody, genocidal empire, which it was. Look at the crimes it committed. The people that suffered under the fist of white supremacy. The effects of the empire can still be seen today. Many of the countries ruled by the empire still has a large population living in deep poverty. Many backward laws were put in place by the empire. The British can’t look at themselves as holier than thou, when they enforced the laws condemning people to a life of suffering across the world.

International Workers Day

Today, on Workers’ Memorial Day, we remember all the people who have lost their lives working in poor conditions, whilst being under paid. Under the current climate, with the coronavirus, todays remembrance is with a much heavier heart, as we have lost many, especially those working in the healthcare industry. These people are battling a deadly virus with little PPE, whilst being underpaid and undervalued.

Friday will be International Workers Day. A celebration for all workers around the world. To celebrate and respect the struggle of the working class. It is a day of togetherness, where people from all over the world bond and show their solidarity for each other. Unfortunately, this year the celebrations will be subdued. However, it is the perfect time for us to reflect on workers’ rights.

Mental Health Amongst South Asians

Now that we have settled into quarantine life, the toll it has had on many of our mental state has become apparent. Mental health has been one aspect of human mechanism that is constantly undervalued and forgotten about. For too long it has not been seen as something that needs the utmost care and support, especially if a person does suffer from mental illnesses. Being a Doctor of the mind is not seen as the same as a Doctor of Human anatomy, even though both take care and improve our lives. One is seen as a great service, whilst the other is just a high paying job. The constant overlooking of a persons mental state is something I have found very strange, especially amongst South Asian and Muslim communities.

South Asians relation with mental health is a very confusing one. From the outside it may look like something we deeply care about. We are one of the most spiritual people in the world. All of the major religions of that region promote meditation and focuses on improving a person’s mindset. Yoga originated in India. Meditation is a big part of Hinduism and Buddhism. Muslims perform Salah five times a day and carry out Dhikr on a daily basis. All of these helps improve a person’s mindset, separating a person from the outside world and focuses on improving the spiritual side of a person. Nonetheless, even with all spirituality of the region, mental health is still seen as a taboo subject.

Protect the NHS

I want to start this post by showing my gratitude to all the NHS staffs who are risking their lives by fighting on the frontline to save lives. Every single one of you are heroes. The NHS is the best thing about this country, and you all are great ambassador. You’re the reason why we must all fight and protect the NHS. I also want to say thank you to all essential workers who are keeping us fed and keeping this country running. Without you we would all be starving, and society would’ve collapsed.

Couple of months ago, before everything went mad, I wanted to write a post regarding ‘unskilled’ workers. Under Brexit Britain, the government laid out their plans of what they considered unskilled jobs. The term itself I have an issue with. No jobs are unskilled. It does not exist. Every job is skilled. If a job were to be unskilled, anyone without any prior knowledge and training would be able to do it, without inputting their own skills. However, the government decided this would be based on salary and like all things it came down to money.