If you’ve never been an addict, then don’t talk to me about
how I should just stop. Don’t attack me on my addiction when you have no idea
what I am going through. Stop being ignorant and educate yourself.
I became addicted to cigarettes from a really young age. As a
young teenager, I started smoking, using it as a tool to ease my brain from
anxiety that hunts my life. Even though I detest cigarettes, I needed it in my
life. Without it my life did go to complete shit. When I did stop smoking, my
mental health became the victim of attacks from my thoughts. There is a clear coloration
between my healthy mindset, and me smoking. However, I wanted to stop this
addiction and I did.
Saying that, even when I stopped smoking, that craving was
always there. I always wanted to smoke. Quitting was the hardest thing I’ve
done in my life. The initial end of smoking was easy. It was in fact the days, weeks
and months after that was hard. When I see cigarettes everywhere around me,
that my need for tobacco increases. As I continue to say no, the level of my
need decreases, until there was almost no desire. After smoking for four years,
I reached to a point in my life where I no longer needed it anymore.
Even though I was able to quit smoking completely, it did
have a detrimental effect on my mental health. The people who may know me, are
probably wondering “what mental health?”. Well you clearly have no idea what I
went through. As my anxiety increased, so did my constant thought of
self-worth. Depression was the hardest hitting aspect of my mental health. Two
long years of depression completely bruised my state of mind. I started to
distance myself from everyone around me. I no longer talked to people who were in
my life every day. Friends were no longer a word I associated with myself. It
all felt insignificant.
But I even got through that. I continue to suffer from
anxiety, but I have been throughout my life. Depression is still part of my
life, but almost like a background in my mind. It’s there, it still affects me
but not for long periods. My episodes last a couple of hours to a week, but
nothing longer than that. No longer do I fall into the trap of yearlong depression
because I am now able to talk about it with people in my life. I can get
through these episodes with communication, instead of pushing people away from
me.
Although I no longer feel the need to smoke cigarettes to
ease my mental health, I can still relapse. I know I shouldn’t smoke, even if
it just “social smoking”, but the need never goes away, and when the opportunity
arises, I take it with both hands, or two fingers. I am not blaming anyone. It
is my fault. I shouldn’t put myself in them situations. When I am in them
positions, I should be strong enough to say no. Once I start smoking one, the
instant craving to smoke another come around straight away. From there it is a
losing battle with myself. My current relapse occurred a week ago, and now I
see myself described as a smoker once more. I hope I can get through this and
quit for the third time in my short life. I know it is going to be tough. I
also know when I do try to quit, it is not going to do any favours to my mental
health. However, I have people in my life now who will be there for me to get
me through it.
To all the people who haven’t faced any kind of addiction. Your
arrogance shows your ignorance to all people who suffer from addictions.
Calling us weak and feeble people just because we can’t quit or relapse help
no-one. It just shows the heartless people you are. If you aren’t going to show
your support and help people with addictions, then spread your hatred elsewhere.
We don’t need your blathering opinions clouding our judgement. You’re more
likely to deepen the effect of addiction, rather than help to quit.
I know I am an addict. I may relapse. You may not care.
However, don’t talk to me about it unless you’re going to help me.
Aleha